Smaller Pieces
by Faeries Twilight
Summary: Short, one-shot, songfic about Buffy’s relationship with Spike. Angsty and spuffy mixed with an old, sad, country song. BuffySpike, set a while after “Dead Things”.


**Title:  **Smaller Pieces

**Rating:  **PG-13****

**Summary: ** Short, one-shot, songfic about Buffy's relationship with Spike.  Angsty spuffyness mixed with an old, sad, country song.  

**Genre: ** Angst/Romance

**Pairings:**  Buffy/Spike

**Time Frame: ** Season 6, set a while after "Dead Things"

**Status: ** Complete Standalone.  Want more?  Ask for it!  ^_^

**Disclaimer:  **Believe me, if I could own James Marsters, I would.

**Author's Note:** I was just listening to the radio when Dusty Drake's "Smaller Pieces" comes on, and the words fit so perfectly with the Buffy/Spike relationship (Season 6's at least) that I just pounced on my computer and began writing.  _Viola!_

**Smaller Pieces**

Spike groaned and leaned back into the old armchair, flinging the remote in frustration.  Passions was a rerun.  Hell, he really needed a distraction.  He always did, like she always left.  But she always came back, but there was always doubt.  That little nagging voice, reminding him of what he was, and what he could never be.  He wasn't a man, she'd made that clear.  But, he couldn't be a monster.  It wasn't just the chip, it was her.  She'd done this to him.  And all he could do to chase away the voice, the one that was just like hers, at her worst, was distract himself.  So he chugged down another bottle of whiskey.  

_I knew when you left me that you'd be back someday  
And I know there's a chance you'll leave again but that's one I've gotta take_

She paused, outside the door to his crypt.  Why was she back here again?  She'd left him.  Again.  And she was back.  Again.  It was this torturous cycle that she couldn't rip herself free from.  Yell, curse him and what he was.  Throw in a beating or two, leave and call it a night.  Yet, in a day or two, there'd she'd be again.  And he always took her back with open arms.  She wondered about that, something she'd come to take for granted.  Then, to force away the thinking, the thoughts that he might actually love her, she kicked the door down.  Again.

_Girl, after all what have I got to lose  
The worst that you can do is break my heart into_  
_Smaller pieces, Bigger teardrops_

Spike didn't even move.  It was her, back again, without an apology, an explanation, anything his normally prideful self would have demanded.  But he couldn't, the voice haunted him, reminding him that she could leave.  Permanently. 

_Colder, lonely.__  Hell, why not?  
What's another goodbye?  
Might as well give it one more try_

Buffy found him staring at the TV.  It was always that or lying around somewhere.  But he'd be there always, there for her to use and leave.  Convenient for whatever she needed.  Relieving sexual tension, information, patrol buddy or punching bag.

  
_The worst that you can do  
Is break my heart into smaller pieces_

Neither spoke for a while and tension in the room built.  Spike smiled to himself, forcing the voice away, but knowing that she'd leave again.  He knew it, just like he knew that he loved her and that she didn't love him back.  But he was there for her, always.  No matter how many times she would tell him to stay away, he'd be there for her.  
  
_Darling come on in, what are you waiting for?  
You might hurt me again, but you can't hurt me anymore_

She studied the area around his chair; it was littered with empty bottles.  He'd tried to drown his sorrow again, and she'd guessed it hadn't done much good.  Just like her attempts to stay away.  He turned to look at her, his irresistible blue eyes haunted with sorrow and laced with love.  But it couldn't be love.  Not from a soulless vampire.

_So tell me that you love me and I'll tell myself it's true. _

"Hello, luv.  Here to beat me up again?" he said casually, as if it were an everyday occurrence.  Oh wait… it was.  He didn't care though, so long as she came back.  He didn't care.  Much.

_The worst that you can do is break my heart into_  
_Smaller__ pieces, Bigger teardrops_

His words struck a chord inside her, reminding her of the constant beatings she gave him.  Not just those, he could easily deal with those.  He was a vampire, after all.  But the words that always fell with her punches, those she knew hurt him.  She could see it in his eyes.  Those eyes always captivated her, a window to his…

  
_Colder, lonely.__  Hell, why not?  
What's another goodbye?_

_Might as well give it one more try_

"Or maybe you want something else from ole' Spike?" the voice screamed at him to shut up, for fear of her leaving.  But what was another goodbye?  He'd had enough of those already, and not just from her. "Want information?  New demon on the block, go to Spike!  Want someone to patrol with?  Oh, there's Spike!  Maybe you're a bit tense and need someone to take out your wrath on.  Perfect, the undead, bloodsucking, soulless, not a man, not a monster Spike!  You can love him and leave him, it's not like he has** feelings**.  Well, not tonight Slayer. " He turned back to his TV and beer.

  
_The worst that you can do is break my heart into_  
_Smaller__ pieces, Bigger teardrops_

She stared at him through his outburst.  She thought about it, thought about what her constant treatment of him would do, if he cared.  He never showed it.  Till now, at least.  "Spike.. you're not.. I'm sorry.." she stumbled through the words, true and unfamiliar.  
  
_Hell, why not?  
What's another goodbye?  
 _

"Yeah, well it's a little late for that.  Now get out of my crypt."  He scowled and punched the small table beside him, shattering it.  "You obviously hate me, you've told me that enough.  Don't know why it didn't get through my thick skull before."  He stood abruptly and walked towards her.  "But I get it.  I love you and it doesn't matter to you.  I'm just a thing, a lost, neutered puppy that followed you home and is useful for scaring away the Big Bads or sitting in your lap when you need comfort.  Well forget it."

_Might as well give it one more try_

A tear slipped down Buffy's cheek, his words the truth that she didn't want to hear.  But there was something missing, something of the story that explained why she did this to him over and over.  Did she even know?  Maybe it was that she had real feelings for him, pressed downwards over and over.  Every time they rose up, fighting her, she took the frustration out on him and it was wrong.  "God, I shouldn't have.. Spike, I'm so sorry!  I do feel something for you!" she said and her tears began to fall freely.  

  
_Girl, The worst that you can do  
Is break my heart into smaller pieces_

Spike took her in his arms, soothing away the tears and rejoicing at her words.  He used them to force away the ever present voice of doubt.  
  
_I knew when you left me that you'd be back someday_

** Authors Follow Up:** And there you have it, a songfic from me.  If you knew me at all, you'd know how whenever I see songfic in a summary, I think disgustedly of the clichéness of it all and skip it.  Hah ha ha... this is the most cliché thing I've ever done.  For shame, I'm a hypocrite.


End file.
